Product of Pain: A Mother's Secret and a Son's Despair

Who is myfather I asked. Who is my father i asked repatitively till are heard my mother coughed/uttered a couple of words that changed my life. I don't know who he is , i was raped as a teenager she said. I could see pain in my mothers eyes her tears drained down almost like a waterfall. Slowly left the room and shut my door slowly like a turtle.

I was still in shock , felt like an emotional nuclear bomb. I could not belive that i was a product of rape that has left my a vulger taste in my mothers month. I developed a deep resentment towards my so called "father" and myself included. Wished that i was not conceived , thats when a great idea popped up in my mind so i thought at the time. Took my everyday church tie and climed on top of the bucket , tied it around the middle pole of my rooms roof then I kicked the bucket.

I had accepted my fate as my legs where dangling around. As gravity was pulling me down it felt like the ground had opened up and all the damned and tortured souls of hell are pulling hard as they want me to join them. Now i was out of breath and ready for my soul to depart from my body and closed my eyes shut after a feeling of relive on my neck as i was falling into the pits of hell. The bam!!!! an instant sound i heard but it was a pole hitting my head then i woke up.

I was in the same room but something changed. The roof had caved in as the pole supporting the roof had broken in half. My mother rushed in my room and saw me on the floor with a tie wrapped around my neck and eyes red and popping out like those of a chameleon. Devasted by what is in front of her eyes. "You stupid child, why would you do such a selfish horrendous thing, How do you expect me to bury my child. i love you so please do not take yourself away from me , you are the only person i have in this world (sobbing).

I realised that eventhough i am a product of a sinful act my mother carried me for nine months and lived with me for sixteen years and took care of me on her own. It was not my time to take my last breath and i almost forget that i was loved by the very same person who had been on by my side all the time